Well, who'd have thought it? Delayed gratification is not, it transpires, my thing.
I tried and tried to stock pile treats but things didn't quite work out according to my fiendishly cunning plan.
The humans are stupid and try to keep my biscuits from me by hiding them inside various plastic balls when they leave the house. Well, I have devised a remarkably clever way of retrieving them - basically by pushing the aforementioned ball around with my nose. I shall say no more - trade secrets and all that.
Each time I managed to find a treat, I tried my best to stockpile it, but found out to my horror that while I was thinking how best to stockpile, unbeknownst to me, I had already eaten the damned things. Time and again, the same thing happened - found treat, thought "oooh, goody, here's one to add to the stockpile".. and before I knew it ... the treat was inside my mouth, being eaten.
Okay, I admit it. I have a weakness.
It's time to stand up and be counted: My name is Murphy and I'm a Doggietreatoholic.
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no, murphy, you are NOT a doggietreataholic. they want you to think you are, so they can manipulate your thoughts and dreams on one of those twelve-step programmes. it is normal to eat when you are hungry and they starve you.
ReplyDeletetake solace from our muse, who penned this while wrestling with his own humans. we are with you! doggie treats are on the way.
Like a hound in a yard
Like a dog with a midnight guard
I have tried in my way to be free
Like a dingo alone
Like a wolf from some old fashioned poem
I have saved all my treats for thee
If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you
Oh, like a puppy, newborn
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me
But I swear by this song
And by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much"
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door
She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh, like a hound in a yard
Like a dog with a midnight guard
I have tried in my way to be free
Murphy, you beautiful cocker spaniel you ... we're so pleased to see your face online. We were indeed kidnapped as you so cleverly deduced -- by an oversized mouse who charged insane amounts of cash for any form of communication with the outside world. We made it to the West Coast and nearer to home, but we were recaptured and stuck in a prison off the coast of San Francisco and tortured by fat people with headphones on ... but we were not broken. After several days of plotting, and determined attempts to recall how Sean Connery made it off the Rock, we made our escape ... we are now lying low in the city and will make our getaway in the morning under the cover of rush hour. Before you know it, we will be on the big bird on our way home. We have special toys in tow, and will be sure to pick up addictive green treats on the return journey. Stay strong sausage ... and don't be too hard on the curly haired one, she's actually a doggie human in denial.
ReplyDeleteWe love you, cuddlesandfoodlady and walkiesman.
p.s. the constant questioning about the good boy is bizarre ... however, we think that perhaps if you do that really cute look, the question may be followed by a dog treat. Try it and see, but don't be fooled, hold out for a greenie.
OMG Murph, have they hurt you, are you banished to a box in the cupboard under the stairs? Contact us now please, we are worried!
ReplyDelete