They upped the reward for information on Good Boy today. A green chew - my favourite.
"Who is a Good Boy?" they asked.
I paused, contemplating my new plan which I had been slowly forumulating prior to my morning, afternoon and evening naps (my favourite time of day). I decided, it was time to stand up and be counted.
"I'm a Good Boy", I answered.
You may call me a hero for taking the rap in such a brave and formidable manner, but I'll tell it like it is - I need my treats and am prepared to do whatever is necessary to get them, even if it means allowing them to believe that I am the Good Boy they have been seeking. After all, I figure, they're starving and torturing me anyway... how much worse could it possibly get?
Later, when I am allowing Curly Lady to stroke my beautiful soft ears, having just eaten a hearty feast of chicken stew, I start to ponder whether things are really so bad under the current regime. After all, when I first got my other humans, I had testicles and a tail - neither of which I appear to have any more.
Curly Lady and Beard Man may starve and torture me but they have never once stolen any of my body parts.
And for this , at least, I am grateful.
It's only a matter of time, Murphy! Don't trust them - they're trying to lull you into a false sense of security! Resist! Resist! Woof!
ReplyDeleteMurph - watch out if you hear talk of 'the groomer'. Body parts may remain but your hair shall not. You will be reduced to a baldy, undignified mutt. I once was mistaken for a blinkin' Jack Russell after one trip where they took my beautiful cocker ear curls away. Be alert.
ReplyDeleteMollers, Scotland
ps I have contacted my politician rep here to discuss possible UK asylum seeker status for you. If we are rebuffed I am willing to enter into an arranged marriage with you if it gets you away from your life of 'torture' down under.
I shall try my best not to let my defences down, but I'm only canine - you have to understand that my doggie treats are my life-blood.
ReplyDeleteMollers thank you for starting the political ball rolling, and also for your offer of marriage. It would, alas, have to be a marriage of convenience, what with me having no testicles and all - but I'm very cuddly so hopefully that will make up for my lack of 'manhood' in some way.
murphy!!
ReplyDeletea song of hope from your friends in the land of the free!! listen to the hidden message within this song. the reindeer was liberated from the evil clutches of grandma. ignore how the meaning has been twisted by our enemies to blame the reindeer.
do NOT trust them, murphy. we are with you!! doggie treats are on their way.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa.
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog.
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd forgot her medication,
and she staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas mornin,'
at the scene of the attack.
She had hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa.
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
(Send them back)
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table.
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
that would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbors.
"Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
(Sing it Grandpa)
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.